Ava closed her eyes and listened to
the chatter of the audience in the distance. Ava had prayed over and over to
get onto The Dating Game and here she was! Her prayers had
been answered. She could hardly wait to get out there and be on TV. Ava still
had her eyes closed as a curling iron went through her hair and her nails were
being painted. When the stylists were done she opened her eyes and saw a
completely different person. She was shocked.
In the midst of Ava smiling to
herself as she stared into the mirror she turned and saw a woman dressed in all
black with an earpiece.
“Ma’am, you are on in one minute.
Please follow me.”
Ava followed the woman with a hop in
her step. She heard the announcer, but couldn’t make out what he said. Suddenly
a voice boomed over the audience,
“And now, ladies and gentlemen,
please give it up for the lucky lady, Ava!”
Ava heard the roar of applause and
it gave her feet the power to walk to the stage. Ava was so nervous she could
hardly stand it.
“Ava darling, you look radiant-“
started the announcer.
A male voice cut him off and said,
“Hey now, Ryan! No hitting on her!”
Ava heard the voice but the man it
came from was hidden behind a curtain.
Ryan smiled. “Well, well, I meant no
harm, sir. Ava, please take a seat. When the game is over, the gentlemen who
won will sit next to you.”
Ava followed Ryan to a red love seat
and sat down. There was still room for another.
“Now, Ava, I am going to explain the
game to you and our viewers before we get started. Behind this curtain here are
five gentlemen. One of them will be lucky enough to go on a date with you and
the other four will not. I am going to ask these gentleman a series of
questions and you will rate their answers here on this sheet. After the
questioning is over you will select the man who is most compatible with you and
then this gentleman will reveal himself and you two can ride off into the
sunset, and by that I mean an all-paid night out. I will warn you that clips of
your date will be shown next week so the audience can see how you two turned
out. Now, Ava, do you have any questions?” explained Ryan.
Ava smiled. “I do have one question,
Ryan. Are any of them ugly?”
Ryan let out a chuckle and the
audience was overcome with a wave of laughter. Ava also laughed.
“I assure these men are very
good-looking,” Ryan turned to the audience. “Audience, don’t you agree these
gentleman are well-engineered?”
The audience hollered and woo’d.
“Alright, everyone, we are about to
get started with our first question of the evening.”
Dating Game
from: Tunblr
*
* *
Frank stared at the television
fuming. Ava was a thousand miles away having the time of her life. She
always gets everything she wants doesn’t she? Her luck needs to run out
soon.
Author’s Note
This story uses the same characters
that are in my "Frank and Ava" story, but they represent different characters
from the epic at this time. Since I am doing the Portfolio over these same
characters but I am reading something new each week I think I have finally decided
what to do with my stories. Each week I will use Frank and Ava but they
might represent different people according to the reading. They will still have
the same characteristics.
This week I read the Indian epic, Narayan's Mahabharata. So
this week I focused on Ava. I had her represent Draupadi. In the epic, Draupadi’s
previous incarnation, Nalayani, prays five times to get a husband in the next
life. Her mother-in-law Kunti gave Draupadi five husbands. Draupadi had a dating game of her own called a Swayamvara. In this contest the Pandava, Arjuna, wins Draupadi's hand but because of Kunti, Draupadi ends up marrying all five of the Pandavas. To make it a more
modern story I changed the setting to a dating game and instead of five husbands,
I had five contestants. I also threw in that at the beginning Ava had
prayed to be on the show just like Draupadi prayed to have her husband. I
wanted to introduce Frank in the story, just so the reader doesn’t forget his
part in the story.
Hello again, Ollie!
ReplyDeleteI liked the premise behind this storytelling! It was a good idea to use a game show format for a retelling of Draupadi and her five husbands. That section of the Mahabharata is hard to modernize (five husbands is a bit of an oddity most places), but you found a really good way to translate into a current setting!
It seemed a little brief—I would have liked a little more background on Ava and Frank, but judging by your introduction, I could find some in a previous story of yours. Your author’s note was also really helpful in showing some of the reasoning behind using those characters—it sounds like it will fit well in your portfolio!
Nice job!
I like that you kept the names’ of your characters consistent throughout your different storytelling posts. Your title, The Dating Game, was very catchy! I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the Bachelor but the concept reminded me a lot of the same idea. I look forward to reading more of your stories and to check out your portfolio, especially because I feel like a lot of us are doing the storybook so it will be interesting to see how your’s turns out! Good job!
ReplyDeleteOllie,
ReplyDeleteThis is great! Turning the relationship between Draupadi and the Pandavas into a dating show is perfect. I really liked how you used audio and dialog to get us into the scene. I could completely picture Ava standing slightly back stage, and stepping out to get blasted by the roars of the audience. The cliffhanger with the announcer left me really wondering what will happen next. That said, I think you could improve the imagery further by describing what Ava is seeing. Can she see the audience or are the stage lights in the way? What color are the curtains? Etc.
I also like the direction your portfolio as a whole is taking. Frank and Ava are some very interesting characters. I particularly liked the little cameo that Frank got at the end. As I was reading along, I was wondering if Frank was one of the contestants. I’m looking forward to reading more about the characters.
Hello again Ollie!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so intriguing that I can't wait to find out what's next!
Once again, I really enjoy the font, size, and layout you have used. It makes reading your story so easy. The picture was an adorable touch that gives life to where Ava is and what she is doing.
I like that we, as readers, are able to see into Ava and Frank's thinking. I must say, when Frank came into the picture spitting hate at the television I had the most horrific picture come into my head. The closest thing I can think of is something the TV show "Criminal Minds" would have come up with for a creepy stalker/possible killer.
Overall, the direction you are going and the theme you have are working great to draw your audience in and keep them. I look forward to your next installment of Ava and Frank.
I really enjoyed the idea of this portfolio. It is very creative and getting Ava is a great goal for Ravana aka Frank. This story though has a couple of awkward parts that you may consider revising. Paragraph two I never really know what we are in the midst of… “and by that i mean an all paid night out.” Wouldn’t this be better as an all expense paid night on the town or something of that sort.
ReplyDeleteI LOVED the picture with the beast being on the dating game. That was classic.
I really like the fact that you are showing these characters in a completely different light. Here we see Ava/Sita enjoying her life and being apprehensive and a little scared. Mostly we don’t get to see that in the Ramayana, she just seems like a plot point or side character. Thank you for making her more than someone jumping into the fire.
Hi Ollie,
ReplyDeleteJust got done reading your portfolio. I chose to comment on “The Dating Game” because after reading it I liked it just as I liked your other story. This one on the other hand caught my eye a little more than the other one. I enjoyed reading this one because I thought it was interesting how you wrote your story about a TV show game. With that said I also thought you did a good job explaining what was going on during the game show and what the characters were doing in the game show. I also like how you explained what kind of game show it is. It makes the story clear for the readers and it also makes it easier to visualize what is happening throughout the story, which is why I like this story so much. The dialogue also helps to make the story better. Great job.
Hi Ollie,
ReplyDeleteJust got done reading your portfolio. I chose to comment on “The Dating Game” because after reading it I liked it just as I liked your other story. This one on the other hand caught my eye a little more than the other one. I enjoyed reading this one because I thought it was interesting how you wrote your story about a TV show game. With that said I also thought you did a good job explaining what was going on during the game show and what the characters were doing in the game show. I also like how you explained what kind of game show it is. It makes the story clear for the readers and it also makes it easier to visualize what is happening throughout the story, which is why I like this story so much. The dialogue also helps to make the story better. Great job.
Hi Ollie!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the first story, I had to read more! I must say I really like your writing style. You have a great sense of humor. I see it shine through in this story in the words and actions of the characters you use. I noticed in the author's note that they are still Frank and Ava, but with a twist. Love it.
The dating game show is comic gold. I had not seen this theme used before in the storytelling and it's really fun. I can't wait to read the next story you have posted, the part two!
One thing I want to mention, I did not see the image in the story. I can see that there should be one there, but it's missing. Other than that, I did not notice anything at all that took my attention away from your fabulous story! Well done Ollie!
Hey Ollie! I’m from the Mythology and Folklore class and decided to read some Indian Epic portfolio stories this week and I loved getting to read your story, “The Dating Game.” After reading you author’s note, I browsed through your other portfolio stories to get an idea of how Frank and Ava are. I love that idea of using them in all of your portfolio stories! That is something that I don’t think anyone has done before and I think it is different and almost represents a mini storybook. I enjoyed reading your story because it was easy to follow, your descriptive words were very appropriate for the story and detailed, and you used your sense of humor to portray the situation in a light hearted and funny way. The dialogue is also very smooth and defiantly helped me better understand what the dating game show was. Great job with this story!
ReplyDeleteHey Ollie,
ReplyDeleteThat was an interesting way to retell that story. This is the first dating game storytelling style I have read this semester. It was light and lively. The author's note was informative. You did a good job paralleling Draupadi's and Ava's characters. I will try to read one of your portfolio stories this week as a free read. Keep up the great work!
Hi Ollie,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was really creative! I will be honest. When I was reading through it, I was thinking to myself, "I have no idea how this is going to be related to one of your readings." I'm glad you proved me wrong! The dialogue is very smooth, and you have good transitions throughout the story. Great job on that! I also thought that it was really easy to read and follow along. It was well modernized, so it was also enjoyable to read in that aspect as well. I'm trying to think of something that I would change, but I really can't think much of anything. The only thing I can think of is that maybe you could give a quick teaser of each of the 5 men behind the curtain that give clues about who is behind each one. Anyway, great job!