Frank and Ava
Frank didn’t understand why he had been mistreated all his
life. His parents never paid attention to him and yelled at him if they did. Frank was born a
beautiful baby, but as he got older his parents would throw things at him.
Most of the time the thrown object was aimed at his face, scarring him for life. One scar in
particular ran over his eye and down his cheek. Frank had long black hair that he grew out to try and hide the scars.
From Pinterest
As one would imagine, Frank was an angry teenager. He wanted nothing
more than to know someone else was as lonely, ugly, and hurt as he was. Frank
had been eyeing this girl from his school for months now. Frank obsessed over
her, even stalked her. Frank knew where this girl lived, when she walked home,
what time she woke up in the morning, and even what time she went to bed. Frank was going to kidnap her and make her feel like he
did. She was beautiful, loved, and happy. He loathed that
about her and wanted to take it all away.
*
* *
It was a Friday evening and everyone knew the only thing to do in
this 35- mile-an-hour town was to go to the party the Stephensons threw every week. Ava loved going with her friends. She envied how rich the Stephensons were and how their parents even bought them alcohol for the parties. These
have been going on for six months now and it grew bigger every time. It was a great spot for the police to survey for drunk drivers and underaged drinking. Ava was feeling so alive tonight. She was wearing her
favorite shirt and going with her two best friends.
They arrived at the giant house and immediately jumped in to the
festivities. Ava was having a blast dancing and drinking. The music was so loud
she felt it in her heart as she jumped to the beat. Taking a break from the dancing, she went over to the table to pour herself another drink. When she reached
for the bottle of vodka, another hand swiped it first. She looked up and saw the emo boy, Frank.
“Oh, I am sorry, Frank,” Ava apologized. “I didn’t see you.”
“Yeah? No one ever does,” Frank murmured.
Ava felt like rolling her eyes. Frank always gave her the creeps
and was always wallowing in self-pity.
“Well, I’ll take this bottle instead,” Ava said.
*
* *
Frank was so nervous and excited he could hardly wait to grab her! Frank knew he couldn’t do anything inside, so he awkwardly took his drink and
went outside to wait by her car.
Frank walked outside, drink in hand. He saw the police walking
up to the house.
“Young man,” a police offer addressed Frank. “What do you have
there?”
Frank froze. "What
am I going to do? How will I get Ava alone if the police are here??"
“Um,” Frank started. “Noth, nothing…sir.”
“Mind if I take a look?” the police officer asked.
Frank tossed the drink in the officer’s face and
started to run away. The police officer quickly pulled out his taser and shot Frank.
Frank fell to the ground unable to move.
“Young man, you are under arrest.”
Frank could feel the cold handcuffs lock his hands together. "How was I so stupid??? How can I kidnap Ava
now? No! This ruins everything!!!"
“Officer, please. I overreacted. I didn’t mean to run. I
was scared,” Frank pleaded to the officer.
“I am just taking you in to call your parents and you can go home,” the officer explained.
Frank was overwhelmed with relief. Frank got in the police car and they drove off to the station. Once there
he waited for his parents to show up. Frank was excited about his parents
finding out about him being arrested. It was fun making them angry.
Frank's parents walked in with steam coming out of their ears.
Frank smiled to himself. Without saying a word to their questions he
walked out with them and into the car.
Author's Note:
I got my ideas for this story from the Ramayana. More specifically, I used the movie version of the Ramayana by Nina Paley. The main characters are the modern versions of Sita and Ravana. Sita in my story is Ava, a popular and beautiful girl. Ravana in my story is Frank. I made Frank a little darker than the actual character. I made him this way with a bad family background and more hateful thoughts. This was so I could better illustrate the reason he wants to kidnap Ava. I also wanted Frank to have something wrong with his appearance. This is because Ravana has ten heads. So in the story I had Frank have scars on his face.
In the Ramayana, Ravana kidnaps Sita and leaves her locked up in hopes he can get Sita to marry him. He does this even to the point that Sita begs for death. I did have a lot of contrast between Frank and Ravana, Frank being a troubled boy and Ravana being a lustful king. This was to make my story more believable. Ravana wasn’t a tortured child but was the ruler of a kingdom. I wanted Frank to be angry and have a reason to want to hurt someone. In the Ramayana, Ravana kidnapped Sita merely because of lust. Though this is a believable reason for kidnapping, I wanted something different.
Ok, so blogger just deleted my comment. I'm guessing it's from your update. Anyways, great story! I thought it was going to go really dark for a bit. Thankfully(?), he was tazed. I imagine that sucked pretty badly for him. I like the way you divided up the story, and I think you did a good job of getting into the minds of your characters. Also, your updated author's note is much more informative. It's much more informative, and yeah, Ravana has ten heads.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you put the Author's Note at the very beginning. It made me excited to read the story and really drew me in! Also, it gave a really good description about where you were going with all the characters and your thought process. I was expecting something entirely different when reading your story so it was cool how creative you got! I thought for sure Frank was going to get closer to kidnapping Ava. I really liked how you made it such a modern story and relatable, especially to all the college kids out there but also a warning to be careful! I really enjoyed all the dialogue as well as your depiction of Frank. Making something wrong with his face because of Ravanna having 10 heads was a good modern twist to it. Thank you for sharing your story. I thought it was going to be a tragic story of Ava getting kidnapped but it turned into being just a close call!
ReplyDeleteRe-imagining the Ramayana with a modern setting makes it more relatable and easier to approach by younger readers. In the original narrative, Ravana kidnaps Sita out of an infatuation. In your story you base the main character's ambitions on envy and a troubled childhood. However, you have retained the spirit of the original story by depicting an irrational thought process by Frank which parallels Ravana's illogical sense of entitlement with respect to Sita.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how you will be resolving the issue of Frank’s relocation. Will he run away from home or simply bide his time until his parents accept him back into their home? I look forward to seeing how his feelings for Ava develop as he moves closer to achieving his goals. And we have yet to witness the appearance of a modern day Rama in this story. Will his role be that of the boyfriend or maybe something more peculiar?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put the Ramayana in a more modern setting. I was surprised at every turn in this story! It was not your typically lonely boy meets pretty nice girl and grows in popularity. Throwing in Frank getting detained and having his parents called was definitely a nice twist too. It was very surprising to me that Frank actually like upsetting his parents. You would think because of how badly he wanted to kidnap Ava that he would play things off smoother as he had tried to with the police. Putting in the whole party scene was a nice touch. It made me think of every stereotypical teen movie minus the stereotypical ending! I wonder if Frank will ever get to kidnap Ava or if he will be stuck at his grandparents forever?! Having the Author's note at the beginning was also a cool idea because then we could read your thoughts and reasoning behind the story you wrote. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Ollie!
ReplyDeleteI first have to say that the layout of your blog is great. It is visually appealing because it appears very clean and the font size that you chose is great, easy to read and works well with the simple feeling that your blog has.
I think that you did a great job in keeping the story accurate but still putting your own twist on it. I really like that you established a stark contrast in your characters, Ava and Frank. It was truly an opposite attract type of thing in your story having the slightly darker character of frank attempting to interact with the beautiful and peppy Ava. I thought your ability to stay accurate with the misshapen appearance that Frank had (scars instead of ten hands) was a really good idea. I do think that by making Frank a little more "normal" in your story, it helped to make the story more relatable and easy to imagine happening in the world. Overall I think that you did a great job and I enjoyed reading your story.
This was a very imaginative spin on an ancient epic. I especially like how you went back and forth between Frank and Ava's POV; it really allowed us to understand the full picture. I was definitely concerned for Ava's safety the whole time. Frank gave me major creeps, so good job conveying that disturbing side of him.
ReplyDeleteMy only real gripe is that I didn't get a sense of closure. After Frank goes home, it's not like anything about the situation has really changed. He got tasered and detained but it's not like he won't go right back to trying to kidnap Ava next week. I wish that something had happened that offered more of a conclusion, instead of a third party sweeping in and cutting the story short.
Hi Ollie,
ReplyDeleteYour story has a unique style that I found intriguing. First, you developed Frank's character in a way that could make readers empathize, but also not like at the same time. The descriptions you have of Frank are effective along with the picture you included at the beginning. I think you could do the same thing for Ava. For example, you could describe more details about her through Frank's perspective because he does watch her all the time.
I like that you separated your story into three "scenes". That made the story flow really well, and I could tell when the setting and time changed throughout the story. Maybe you could add fourth part that shows what happens when Frank tries to execute his plan of kidnapping Ava. This could be a dramatic conclusion to your story, so that readers aren't left guessing about what Frank does next.
Hope this helps!
Hi Ollie!
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of your portfolio looks great so far! One thing I might suggest for your introduction is to add a statement of goals for your portfolio. I like to see what people are working towards and trying to help with any feedback I can give.
I think that the picture you chose to represent your story fits perfectly. It sets the mood and tone of the story. I was interested in the darkness that the picture put off. I like the darkness of this story. For the most part, I write stories that have a happy ending and sometimes that gets boring. I like the twist and turns that this story takes me through. As for formatting, I like the way you have multiple breaks in the page. I think this makes for an easy read. I also enjoy the way you made the characters in your story similar to The Ramayana but not the same. I think you accomplished your goal of making the story more realistic. With frank having a scar instead of ten heads and validating his reason to want to harm someone.
I look forward to reading more of your portfolio and blog.
-Sara
Ollie,
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting take on the tale of the abduction of Sita by Ravana. Ravana was one of my favorite characters in the Ramayana because he is so mischievous. I like how you changed Ravana’s character around by making your character, Frank, into an abused teenager. With Frank having a violent past, it is easy to see why he would lash out and try to cause pain to others that he perceived as having a great life. It was creative for you to make a connection to the peculiar features of Ravana (the ten heads) and incorporate a similar characteristic into Frank (the scars on his face). I also liked how you had some inner monologue going inside of Frank’s head throughout the story. This was a great way of showing the fear and disappointment that Frank was going through in knowing that he was not going to be able to carry out his dastardly plan. Great job on this story and I enjoyed reading it.
Ollie,
ReplyDeleteI chose this story as my freebie from the other class and I was pleasantly surprised. I am not too familiar at all with any Indian Epics so I took a look at the original and it was quite interesting. I really enjoyed both the original and your version of it! I also enjoyed the picture you chose for the story and think it fits perfectly, good decision. The darkness of the picture contrasted to the light background of your blog fit well. You also broke the story us nice and made it look just like the same format the UnTextbook is in.
Alex
Ollie,
ReplyDeleteThis week I decided to choose your portfolio as my one free choice for project feedback! I was mainly drawn in to this particular story because of the picture you posted on your Portfolio Start page. It really drew me in, as well as the short description of the story.
I loved how you recreated Ravana in this depressed, left out young man. Although you made Frank much different from Ravana, there was still some similarities. I like that you gave Frank a physical appearance issue to go along with Ravana's 10 heads. I also enjoyed that you wanted there to be another reason for Frank kidnapping Ava. Ravana only kidnapped Sita out of lust. I like that Frank wanted someone else to feel lonely and ugly along with him. I also really liked how you kept the story so modern. Teenagers at a party and police officers monitoring drinking. That's perfect. I would love to read a second part of this story, maybe where Frank is able to kidnap Ava.
Overall, great job!
Good morning Ollie!
ReplyDeleteThis story was absolutely wonderful. I had never considered specifically what was going through Ravana's head and what led up to him kidnapping the innocent Draupadi. I like that you even gave a reason; that she was happy and loved life and that she needed to learn what it was like to suffer. It is terrible, yes, but it does make sense (and sometimes it happens in real life, yikes!)
One of my favorite things that you have done with this story is how we can read Frank's thoughts. This morning I read a continuation of this story and I felt like I had to come to your portfolio and read the backstory because the latter is so intriguing.
The large font fit perfect in your story. The large spacing the letters made it super easy to read the story without getting tripped up on what line I was on or losing my place. The font itself is easy on the eyes as well.
You did a really good job with this story! This story caught my attention because I love crime stories. Although the planned crime never actually happened, we still got to read about a punk running from the cops. I think it is interesting to look at the events from these stories in different ways. Putting the Sita and Ravana kidnapping into a modern day setting was great for helping the reader understand what would drive someone to do something as severe as kidnapping another person. Even giving Frank scars so that he would have something wrong with his appearance like Ravana was a great way to connect the two. The story started off pretty dark, but I am glad that Frank never actually kidnapped Ava. This gave it a little happier ending, but you were still able to make Frank’s ending a happy one too. Again, great job with this story!
ReplyDeleteOkay I really like this version of Ravana as Frank. I love the fact that you gave him scars on the face to symbolize the additional heads. I also really like that you have him as an emo kid. This story was pretty spot on for me.
ReplyDeleteI liked that you had him throw the glass in the face of the officer. I wonder what would have happened if you had him tattle on the party though. That would have caused the party to be broken up, the kids running out so none of them get caught with minor in possession. In the confusion Frank could have tried to get to Ava. There could have then been some beau or something she ran with that caused him to miss his chance. Regardless your portfolio is very creative. Loved the dating game as well, which was the other one I read.
Hi Ollie,
ReplyDeleteI really loved reading your story! It was great! I like how you chose to emphasize Ravana as a much darker character. Most of the stories I have read about Ravana usually draw more emphasis to his more common evil character and they really never make him an even worse person. That part of your story is very unique. Giving Ravana ten heads also emphasizes his evil character. Have you read about Dashagriva? He is actually Ravana before he gets the name Ravana! In the story Kubera: The Lord of Wealth Dashagriva or Ravana actually has ten heads which makes his character even more scary. I like the image you used. It gives Ravana a completely different image than what I am used too! I can actually picture Frank as that character. I also like how you made Frank to be pretty emotional about certain things. Overall I love your story.
I’m not 100% positive I have posted on your story before, but I’m going to do it again: ) I really found your story to be one of the darkest I have read in this class. You dove into the mindset of a troubled teenager and you really made your character shine. You gave him a background and explained his personality excellently. Even though the main character is Frank I really think a little bit more description of Ava is necessary, just so readers can see the dissimilarities of both. Make it really hit home that they are vastly different people. The story is entitled Frank and Ava, so just need a little bit more description of Ava. I’m also hoping that there is a sequel coming in store for the characters. The story ended so abruptly and I want more more more! It’s such a wonderful idea and you really have a talent of creating a picture for who a character is. It makes me more excited to see if Frank succeeds in his kidnapping.
ReplyDeleteOllie!
ReplyDeleteWow! I really loved your story. I felt like I was reading one of my favorite authors and right away I was hooked! The image you used caught my attention. The descriptions of the stories on the portfolio page led me right to the good stuff!
I forgot that I was reading a story from an Indian Epic. I was enthralled in the characters that you made. The descriptions and actions of them are fabulous.
When I got to the also wonderful author's note you provided I was again impressed. I am glad that you told me that they were Ravenna and Sita. I can absolutely see what you did there, and you did good! The backstory of the two opposing forces really helps to give us a good look into what makes these two tick. In short stories that is hard to do sometimes, but you really did a great job of short and sweet here and not missing anything.
Hey again Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you integrated the Ramayana into your story but used all new characters and a new setting. I think you image that you used for Frank, I am assuming, is perfect for this story. You may want to caption the image something along the lines of who is supposed to be that character in the story. Haha that is creepy that Frank stalked this girl he thought was cute. What a smooth move by Frank to swat at her hand, classic. Wow! I can’t believe that Frank threw his cup in the cop’s face! He is a crazy kid! I really got the idea that Frank hates everything in the world and wants nothing good to happen to anybody. I guess that is why he is emo. This was a unique story, Olivia! Great job on the story and thanks for the wonderful read!