Emma stood before the small mirror in her dorm room.
It was the very first day of her first year of college. In hindsight perhaps
she had been a bit more nervous this morning than she had let herself believe.
If not she never would have spent so much time meticulously picking out her
outfit and doing her make up, but today was a very important day. She had to
admit, she even surprised herself with how beautiful she looked. Emma needed
all the pleasant surprises she could get lately.
It had been a rough few
months. Her now ex-boyfriend Scott did not approve of her decision to go to the
University of Nebraska and had made life hell. Through a series of troublesome
events, culminating with Emma filing a restraining order, he had made his
displeasure apparent. All that was in the past now. It was nothing a few
hundred miles and fresh start couldn’t fix. With a sense of hope she hadn’t
felt in months, she headed out her door and toward the elevator.
Emma quickly grabbed the
first elevator and swiftly pressed the button for the ground floor.
“Hold the elevator!”
Someone exclaimed.
Emma quickly slammed the “hold door” button for the
stranger.
“Thanks.”
A voice said.
It wasn’t until the door closed and she felt the elevator
start moving that Emma noticed the astonishing features of the stranger she had
helped. It was a boy with a strong square jaw, cobalt blue eyes, wavy blond
hair, and broad muscular shoulders atop a phenomenal physique.
“My
name is Max.” the boy said.
When he spoke Emma noticed his straight, bright white
teeth, and how the way he smiled his eyes lit up. She was literally speechless.
“Well
this is my floor, thanks again for the elevator.” Max said.
Emma managed to choke out a clumsy “you’re welcome”
just before the door slid shut. She was absolutely mortified. Surely no one
could have handled a situation more awkwardly than she just had. As she cut
across campus taking every shortcut possible to make her class on time, she was
still daydreaming about the exchange. Perhaps that’s why she never even noticed
Scott behind the bushes as she walked by. As she rounded a corner to a secluded
the location Scott pounced. With one move he spun her around from behind and
slammed something hard against her temple.
“You
will never be rid of me Emma. You belong to me.” She heard him say.
It was hard to make out his words she was so dizzy. She
felt him slide his hand up her leg and rip her clothes. Instantly her mind
panicked. Was this real? She wondered as she slipped in unconsciousness.
Two weeks later Emma awoke in the county hospital. Her
head was wrapped. IVs ran from her veins. A stranger sat in the chair by her
bed. He looked familiar, but from wear did she know him? Her head was pounding
and she could barely think. Max! The elevator.
“You look surprised to
see me. Don’t be afraid you’re safe now.” Max said.
“What
happened? Where’s Scott? How did you…” Max lifted his hand, insisting she stop.
“I
know it’s a lot to take in, but you were attacked on campus. Your ex-boyfriend
hit you with a hammer. He was trying to rape you when I came around the corner.
I’m sorry I followed you for a little while but you looked lost. I figured if I
helped you find your building I could talk to you a little more. I guess it’s a
good thing I thought you were so beautiful. I grabbed him and restrained him
until the cops showed up. They charged him with attempted rape and attempted
murder. He will be going away for a long time.”
Emma
was stunned. A few minutes of silence passed as she processed everything. She
rubbed her face, it hurt tremendously. “I must look like hell she thought.”
“I
doubt I’m much to look at now.” Emma said in a low voice.
“Your
body was beautiful before, and it still is by the way. To me though you’re even
more beautiful now because I can see in you a warrior, and a survivor.”
Author's Note
Author's Note
My motivation for this story was the ending of the Ramayana.
In the Ramayana, Sita is kidnaped from the king Ravana. Rama does everything he
can to find her. Sends allies to find her and even wages war on Ravana’s kingdom
to get her back. When he finally finds her, he is rude and doubts the purity of
her heart. Sita has to prove herself to him by walking into fire and leaving it
unburned. They go back to the kingdom and everyone still accuses her of being
impure. So Rama is forced to send her away, not knowing she is pregnant. 16
years goes by and Rama discovers his sons so let’s Sita return to the kingdom
if she proves her purity. She then is taken by the ground and leaves Rama there
alone for a few thousand years.
I most definitely did not like that ending so I created a
different story, but one where the main character is still accepted. I didn’t
really want the make a story where someone I tortured so I did change it up a
bit. The girl in the story is taken by her crazy ex-boyfriend and the man that
recues her still accepts her! The way the Ramayana should have ended.
The story was very good and I enjoyed it a lot. The story looked good overall. There are good margins considering all of the quotations you used. I also do feel comfortable reading the story online, there is no problem with that part. The spacing was good and I did not have too adjust anything. The font was a great size and it was too small or too big and the type of font was also the regular times so it was easy to read. The color choices did not stand out to me because there was not much color besides the picture. Which is not a bad thing at all because I do not think there should be a lot of colored fonts or words in these stories. The image does make an important contribution because it creates a picture for the story. The image size was a good size because it was not too big or too small. The image caption did not create any confusion and the bibliography was also in the right spot. Great job!
ReplyDelete(Extra Credit)
ReplyDeleteThank you for making an ending like this. It is with most rape victim’s acceptance of what was done to them is something that not only something they struggle through, but their family as well. It is not their fault they were robbed of something precious. I really enjoyed your story, it was intense, dramatic and upsetting all at once. I only wish that instead of Max saying that “…her body was beautiful before, and it still is by the way…” that he came out with something a little more poetic or, what’s the word, meaningful (sorry). I mean it’s lovely he sees the beauty in her form when she feels ugly, but the victim won’t care about what she looks in real life. That part just didn’t fit well, but his final words were great and just what it needed. Wonderful job!
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Your blog is simplistic, yet very nice to look at. The background is not an overwhelming color and your font stands out great against the white. I like how you separated your story, it really worked well together and makes it seem not so “mushed” that you can't find the out whose speaking. I only have a problem with the size of your font, I don’t see very well so the size would have to be a little bit bigger. I was able to read it, but I had to squint throughout the story. It was also very, very easy to find where your stories were I didn’t have to dig to far within your archive to where I got lost. So, that was extremely nice.
I was thrown a little by the photo you chose to use for your story as I did night find it relevant to what you were trying to say. I know it would be hard to find Indian art photos with the material you came up with. Perhaps a modern photo of a young man and women in a hospital room would be more appropriate, or simply a photo showing which character was supposed to be who (for instance, Max is Rama, Sita is Emma). I still think your story is wonderful, with a great message and I hope to read some more from you in the future.
Ollie, I really like reading your story. It was interesting and really well formatted which is important to me. I liked the paragraph breaks and the dialogue throughout the story. I think the picture is a good aid to the story but I would suggest that you might put it earlier in the story.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more from you!
-Sara
HI Ollie. I liked that you wanted to tell a tale of surviving. I too was disappointed by the ending of Ramayana. Especially after everything Rama and Sita went through. It should have ended at section 78 to be honest. I guess it just goes to show that not every epic has a happy ending. Nonetheless, I do enjoy your modern rendition.
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ReplyDeleteOllie,
Your story was very detailed! It left the reader wondering what was coming next. I thought you did a great job with the font sizing and the color background as well. I think the blue border did justice. Your word choices were powerful enough to convey your meaning the reader. I think you picked a appropriate name for you story. Sita was in fact a survivor. She spent many days held in hostage against her will. She was pretty much rejected by the one she loved the most yet she was able to hold her head high even as she was sent into exile. The story endedon a good note. Sita was able to heal and hopefully find love again. The author's note showed a good detail of emotion and how everyone was pulling for Sita's happy ending. I think a picture of Emma and Maxx would have been good. Overall though, you did an excellent job.