Friday, February 19, 2016

Two brothers

Authors Note: This story come from Narayan's Mahabharata, an Indian Epic. In the story, one brother passes away and the other is left too take care of his children. The brother left is extremely jealous of the children and does all sorts of terrible things. I wanted to make a story where, maybe the brother is still a little jealous but it isn't extreme and he is willing to help his family out. 

Stoney stared at himself in the mirror for a minute. He was a handsome middle aged man, physically fit, intense eyes, and a strong hairline that was only slightly greying at the temple. He was also very successful. As an investment banker, $200,000 was a bad year for him. His wife Ginger was a bonafide beauty queen, and more importantly she was entirely smitten with him, and he knew it. They had one son, Simon. By any measure Stoney should be the most content man on the planet, and most days he was. He was normally beyond content and loved his family more than words could describe, but today he was a little insecure. In truth Simon was a special child, he had muscular dystrophy. Stoney normally did not think twice about this and it could never change how much he loved his son, but Stoney’s brother was visiting today.


Jack was Stoney’s older brother. He was an active duty Green Beret, and a well decorated one at that. Where Stoney’s job had been routine but well rewarded, Jack’s had been enthralling but shrouded in secrecy. Ginger was Stoney’s only love and he was thankful for that. On the other hand, Jack had sired a strong, tall, intelligent, able-bodied daughter named Bailee. Moreover Bailee was not the product of love but of a one night stand. This was always a point of contention for Stoney, especially when the two families got together. He loved his family very much. At the same time it didn’t seem fair that Jack had such excitement and perfection in his life without even trying. To top it all off Stoney felt guilty about these thoughts, and it was a guilt that he sometimes let bleed into his family life.

Stoney was standing in the driveway holding Ginger’s hand as Jack’s car pulled up. He felt his own pulse quicken. When their doors opened Bailee quickly jumped out and she and Simon took off playing tag. Ginger and Jack exchanged pleasantries. He kissed her respectfully on the cheek before she departed to supervise the children.

“It’s good to see you brother.” Stoney said as he and Jack embraced.

“How was Kenya?” Stoney inquired.

“Just business as usual.” Jack chuckled. “the least of my worries for sure” he said with a much more somber expression.

“What do you mean?” Stoney said with great concern. What could be more worrisome than fighting Al Queada and Boko Haram.

“Bailee just got a physical and the blood tests were pretty bad….. She has leukemia. It’s very treatable but also very expensive and the VA won’t cover her since I’m not married to her mom. I can’t lose her Stoney, it’s not an option.”

“I agree.” Stoney said.

“It also isn’t a possibility. I have a friend in the Attorney General’s Office who can get you full legal rights, including benefits, within 48 hours. Failing that she is my family too, and I will spend every penny I have on her. We will get her treated, and this will be taken care of.”

“Besides, Simon would never let anything happen to his cousin.” Stoney said with a slight grin.

“I have always been able to count on you to take care business no matter what, and I have always admired that about you.” Jack said.

5 comments:

  1. Wow! This was such a great story Ollie!
    I love how in the end, no matter the grudges that were there before, when one brother needed the other he was there. No questions asked. If only all families were like that *sigh*.
    I like that I could tell exactly where you got the idea for your story (even if you had not said so), and I especially like that you made it completely your own with all new characters, plot, and resolution.

    Great read, thank you!

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  2. Wow! Ollie this is a great twist on the story and I appreciated the plot changes you implemented. I love the family aspect and how the one brother was there in the time of need for the other. I too saw a good moment for story telling when I read that part of the Mahabharata. Thanks for posting and giving a great twist. -Tyler

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  3. Ollie,

    This was a great story! You took a very old story and transformed it beautifully into a modern day drama. I was very impressed with the imagery and your dialogue was excellent. I would have liked to see you include a picture of what the family looked like or even a picture of a green beret so that the audience had a visualization of the characters. Also, I think it would be better for you to move the Author's Note to the end of the story and have a link to the story that you based this story off of. You did a great job and this was by far one of the best short stories I have read in this class.

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  4. Ollie, that was a great story. The picture you chose really connected your story. I like the old and new twist you added. It was good to see that two brothers could overcome their differences and be there for one another. I enjoyed the happy ending. Your author’s note gave the reader an insight into the story. You did an excellent job!

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  5. Hi Ollie!

    I love when people take stories we read in class and turn them into a modern tale. I don't have siblings, but I love your story about two brothers who were able to put their differences aside and be there for each other. I love happy endings! So much! I like that you put the author's note at the top. It provided a bit of insight before reading the story and it was super helpful!

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